(Accidental) Strip Club With Mum

In the words of Katy Perry, this was never the way I planned, not my intention. Let me explain. My mum’s new work was having a Midwinter Christmas event, a burlesque and dinner in Waikino. She invited me along because she didn’t know many of her colleagues yet and could do with a plus one. I said yes, thinking the show would be people in cool costumes singing and dancing, perhaps with a 1920s theme. Suffice to say, that is not what we got.

We got women taking off all their clothes to pre-recorded music. I appreciate women’s bodies as much as the next bisexual, so I was okay with this, except that I was there with my mum and a room full of people from the Hauraki District Council. It’s hard to appreciate a good striptease when your mum is across the table from you.

The emcee, a curvy woman in a sexy Santa costume, was crack-up. She made jokes about the council paying for strippers and described herself as working in risk management by day and risqué management at night. As an audience we started off a little shy, so she warmed us up by making us sing and encouraging us to buy more drinks.

There were no male performers, which my mum found boring. She was also worried about there being so many women in the audience of the show, while I was worried about there being so many men, proving two feminists can have completely different opinions.

Fortunately, there were some very creative performances, like a cheese-themed striptease (‘stripcheese’, she called it). I will never look at Chesdale the same again. There was also a vaudeville performer, dressed as a man on one side of her body and as a woman on the other side, who danced as if she were a couple. My favourite, though, was probably the woman with the sea-like dress and floaty fans. That was stunning.

While the show wasn’t what I expected, I still had a good time. I’d definitely go to a burlesque show again, just not with a family member. Here’s some important life advice, people: when you get invited to a show, Google it before accepting.