Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake had it all mapped out for us. We were going to have sex with our best mates and then fall in love, right? Something like that.
Having friends with benefits (outside of the movies) is a lot more complicated. On the one hand you’re getting a good dicking or licking, and on the other, you may actually be falling for them – you know, those shitty things called feelings.
There is also the stigma around sex in general. People think if you’re getting it, then you’re either: a) lucky, congrats, shit I want to throw you a party, or b) you are a “slut” or a “man-whore” because you have had a few sexual partners, and therefore a small-minded minority will deem you as not worthy of anyone else.
The second option is an ignorant assumption pushed onto our generation, and it’s also stupid. We need to start looking at sex differently. Sex is a natural way of life, and also getting feelings for someone who you spend time with is a natural way of life. If you are having consensual sex, then nothing bad can be said about having a friend with benefits, but it is not for everyone.
The good side
If you’re a heartless bitch like myself (sometimes), then friends with benefits is probably the best thing for you. This is because you can have sex without the attachments that come with it.
The great thing about having frequent sex with someone who is your friend is that you get your pleasure fix and you also get to experiment.
Take your time with your buddy, find out what really makes you or them fizz-sizzle-pop-bang-fucking-slam-dunk, and then damn, that’s an orgasm. It’s empowering, having sex with other people and experimenting along the way. It’s a confidence boost that everyone needs to experience.
When you’ve finished with the benefits, just remain friends, high-five and say thanks for that, remember that you are good mates and continue that way.
Alternatively, maybe there were feelings and you decide that you enjoy each other’s company, more than just a root and boot. This is the beautiful thing about friendships, that they can bloom into a relationship and that’s great. But be careful: if your communication is not clear about what each other wants, then this may be a dead end and a dead friend.
Be honest or it may turn bad
Be honest with yourself. If you are someone who easily falls in love and can catch feelings through sexual and physical connection, then friends with benefits may not be the best option for you, unless you have made very clear guidelines with your buddy ol’ pal.
These guidelines may include:
1. Making sure the communication is clear from the start about what you both want out of it.
2. Preferences: Talk about what makes you tick and what really doesn’t. If you don’t like giving head, then tell them. Don’t just wait for your friend to shove your head down onto their bits and sticks to then tell them.
3. Boundaries: This isn’t 50 Shades of Grey, but you do need a safe word and to let them know what you don’t like.
4. If someone starts to get those niggly little things called feelings, let one another know. This may be the right time to call it quits and remain friends without it getting ugly.
5. Be friends! That’s the whole fucking point.
The ugly side
Then there’s the ugly side of friends with benefits, don’t tell me that I didn’t warn you: when one person gets feelings and the other doesn’t and may be dating other people at the same time. This is hard because it does break off that friendship. It may mend over time, but those feelings may never fade so you need to pick yourself up and move on. It’s as simple as that. Never rely on someone to give you worth through sex. That’s not how sex should work. If you are looking for love, love yourself first. You won’t find love through friends with benefits.
Let’s get it on
There’s the good, the bad and the ugly which comes with getting it on with your mate, so choose wisely and think about what you really want out of banging ya bud. Remember to keep up the communication, talk about feelings, what one another wants and what is off limits (no, I will not touch your feet, ew). If you can’t do these simple things, then it is better to stay clear of the bone-zone. Lastly, let’s break the friends with benefits stigma, it should be fun-fantastic-fucking, so let’s keep it that way.