The only thing that remains constant is change. So said pre-Socratic Greek philosopher Heraclitus, and so says me. And while everyone’s sex life is unique, I can guarantee one universal truth: it’s not the same as it used to be.
You remember. It might have been a sweaty finger shoved somewhere unmentionable behind the school bushes before the bell rang. Or it was gentle and planned, with candles and sincere professions of “I’ll love you forever” (except now you can’t remember their name). Probably it was in your best friend’s bed, fuelled by Vodka Cruisers and Bourbon, and maybe some stanky weed to boot.
Whatever it was, however it was, it’s probably (hopefully) not like that anymore.The first time is crap. That’s fairly well-acknowledged. The first few times, in fact. But so too the first few years – especially if you lost your virginity as a teen.
Nothing lasts as long as it should, people press too hard on certain pleasure zones (or what they imagine are certain pleasure zones), and when it’s all over, one person is usually left spluttering, “Yeah, I think I came”.
One of the most obvious changes, especially for women, is the amount of pre-show production that goes in. When you’re 19, razors, tweezers and (oh god) waxing strips abound. When you’re 25, not so much.
Now, I can’t speak for everyone here, but where I once gave myself heart palpitations at the thought of a lover seeing some body hair, I truly could no longer care less.
Nowadays I’m especially into rocking my underarm hair – a trend that’s supposedly on the rise – only getting it waxed off every few months, or when I feel like it. Begone itchy pits!
But even if you aren’t rocking your hairy birthday suit, you’ll likely worry less than you once did, and let me tell you, that’s a wonderful thing.
There’s only so much sex a person can have before they’re compelled to say, “That’s just not doing it for me”.
And, I mean hey, maybe you were one of the lucky ones. Maybe you told your panting partner to slow down and do X Y and Z from day one. But that wasn’t the case for me. Nor was it for most of my friends. Instead the majority of us put up with years of subpar relations for the sake of… I’m not sure, really. Politeness? Shyness? Not really knowing what we liked?
The minute you learn to say not there, or not so hard, or, hell, even harder, is the minute things will start to really… happen.
If you’ve learned anything from the movies you’ll know it’s the young people, the folks with the symmetrical faces and rock-hard abs, who are having the super wild sex. And the old folks? Well, it turns out your libido just withers away and dies on your 40th birthday.
Except the movies don’t always get it right, and research proves they are far from accurate on this front. Study after study have concluded that women get more adventurous in bed as they age, and men get less self-conscious. (By the way, clicking on study after study about ‘how sex gets better as you age’ has definitely screwed up my algorithm. Hi ads for elderly sex aids.)
It also turns out that the older you get, the more you’ll want to move things out of the bedroom – and into the garden! So maybe give Nana a ring before you show up unannounced.
One of the best parts about aging – after all the wisdom and stuff – is the confidence you gain. This doesn’t just apply to sex either. You’ll, hopefully, begin to put your foot down when you’ve been treated unfairly. You’ll, hopefully, begin taking opportunities you were once too shy to take. And, best of all, you’ll probably, hopefully, start having the best sex of your life.
The studies affirm that most women are having better sex in their 40s than they did in their 20s. And that can only mean good things for the other genders too. So, if you’re currently in your 20s – and you’re already having good sex – just wait. Apparently it’s about to get explosive. And hey, it’s probably already a hellova lot better than it used to be.