Students With their Shit Cars

Illustrations by Leo Walton

Toyota Corolla Tom

• Studies Business

• Has an army of Uber Eats bags under the seat

• Furiously wipes fogged-up windscreen at the lights

• “Don’t slam the door so hard.”

• Drives you to uni but parks in the backstreets 27984km away because he doesn’t support the ‘Wilson Carpark Building fund’.

Mini Cooper Courtney

• “My parents don’t support me - I have to pay for my own petrol.”

• Takes friends for spontaneous Countdown trips

• Coloured car charger

• Too scared to ever drive in the T2 lane

• Smells of Sex Wax because she’s “fun like that”

• “Can you all transfer me $3.85 for petrol?”

R34 Nissan Skyline Ned

• Backseat passenger: “PuT on GEorGE FM.”

• The radio’s broken

• Calls it his “skid-line”

• Given car by family member who couldn’t sell it on TradeMe because their account is in overdraft

• Open packets of Doritos on the floor

• “You need to lock the passenger door separately”

• Drives with the petrol light on.

Honda Civic Harry

• Drives home to Whangarei on the weekends

• “We can just take my car.”

• “If you put the seats back, we could just sleep in it”

• Inches around the corner when the pedestrian light is green

• Opens the door at the drive thru because the window doesn’t go down

• Faint chicken salt smell

Mazda Demio Maddy

• “You’re actually a really good driver.” “Thanks.”

• Got license at 16

• Probably works in promo

• Gets horny from parallel parking

• Stores reusable shopping bags in the boot

• Always asked “What was that?” When turning on the car and the Japanese greeting plays