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Dating a Vegan (Part 1)

By Jack Pirie (IG: @jack_piza)

First dates are daunting enough. Let alone first dates with a vegan. But what if this particular vegan didn’t mention she was a vegan at all. I know it sounds impossible to think. That I had discovered a vegan who didn’t want to proclaim her veganism at every opportunity, but hear me out.

Classic first date, and believe it or not we did not meet via Bumble or Tinder (crazy old world we live in). We go to a lovely garden bar on a Thursday night, me being the gentlemen I aspire to be, I buy the first round of drinks. She goes for a classy rosé and I partake in a standard pint.

The night goes on and for some reason she is laughing at my jokes, not sure why. I think I’ve passed the first test so I buy the second round, playing a risky game spending my studylink money on “non-essential” items (HA). Next thing you know she's buying the third round (FYI big brownie points for that, c’mon it's 2020).

The third round of drinks goes down quicker than expected. At this stage we are both a little tipsy and I throw the line “should I cook you some food at mine” (worked a charm). Next thing we know we are in the kitchen and I ask “what would you like.”

Shrugging her shoulders she has a guilty look on her face. I'm wondering if she's caught onto the fact that I’m not funny, nor charming. Thank god she didn’t come to her senses. Instead, she says “ummm well actually I'm a vegan.”

PANIC. Ignorant Jack has never been in this situation before. Suddenly I forget what a vegan is and ask “well what food can you eat?” She proceeds to list an array of foods I never knew existed and that my dismal Studylink cash cannot afford to buy.

My food options ranged from Maggi 2 minute noodles to frozen chicken patties that last me the week. I'm thinking this is it, well done Jack, you fucked it up. But who comes to the rescue but every student’s saviour. The kingpin of affordable food formerly known as pasta.

You better believe that the Dolmios pasta sauce paired with some el dente penne saved the day for dear old Jack. Plus some left over gin from one of the flatties. One thing was learned that day. Be prepared for anything. Especially vegans, especially in these uncertain times.


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