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Students With their Shit Cars

Illustrations by Leo Walton

Toyota Corolla Tom

  • Studies Business

  • Has an army of Uber Eats bags under the seat

  • Furiously wipes fogged-up windscreen at the lights

  • “Don’t slam the door so hard.”

  • Drives you to uni but parks in the backstreets 27984km away because he doesn’t support the ‘Wilson Carpark Building fund’.

Mini Cooper Courtney

  • “My parents don’t support me - I have to pay for my own petrol.”

  • Takes friends for spontaneous Countdown trips

  • Coloured car charger

  • Too scared to ever drive in the T2 lane

  • Smells of Sex Wax because she’s “fun like that”

  • “Can you all transfer me $3.85 for petrol?”

R34 Nissan Skyline Ned

  • Backseat passenger: “PuT on GEorGE FM.”

  • The radio’s broken

  • Calls it his “skid-line”

  • Given car by family member who couldn’t sell it on TradeMe because their account is in overdraft

  • Open packets of Doritos on the floor

  • “You need to lock the passenger door separately”

  • Drives with the petrol light on.

Honda Civic Harry

  • Drives home to Whangarei on the weekends

  • “We can just take my car.”

  • “If you put the seats back, we could just sleep in it”

  • Inches around the corner when the pedestrian light is green

  • Opens the door at the drive thru because the window doesn’t go down

  • Faint chicken salt smell

Mazda Demio Maddy

  • “You’re actually a really good driver.” “Thanks.”

  • Got license at 16

  • Probably works in promo

  • Gets horny from parallel parking

  • Stores reusable shopping bags in the boot

  • Always asked “What was that?” When turning on the car and the Japanese greeting plays

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