Illustrations by Leo Walton
Toyota Corolla Tom
Studies Business
Has an army of Uber Eats bags under the seat
Furiously wipes fogged-up windscreen at the lights
“Don’t slam the door so hard.”
Drives you to uni but parks in the backstreets 27984km away because he doesn’t support the ‘Wilson Carpark Building fund’.
Mini Cooper Courtney
“My parents don’t support me - I have to pay for my own petrol.”
Takes friends for spontaneous Countdown trips
Coloured car charger
Too scared to ever drive in the T2 lane
Smells of Sex Wax because she’s “fun like that”
“Can you all transfer me $3.85 for petrol?”
R34 Nissan Skyline Ned
Backseat passenger: “PuT on GEorGE FM.”
The radio’s broken
Calls it his “skid-line”
Given car by family member who couldn’t sell it on TradeMe because their account is in overdraft
Open packets of Doritos on the floor
“You need to lock the passenger door separately”
Drives with the petrol light on.
Honda Civic Harry
Drives home to Whangarei on the weekends
“We can just take my car.”
“If you put the seats back, we could just sleep in it”
Inches around the corner when the pedestrian light is green
Opens the door at the drive thru because the window doesn’t go down
Faint chicken salt smell
Mazda Demio Maddy
“You’re actually a really good driver.” “Thanks.”
Got license at 16
Probably works in promo
Gets horny from parallel parking
Stores reusable shopping bags in the boot
Always asked “What was that?” When turning on the car and the Japanese greeting plays