Love Actually

FEATURE | AROHA / LOVE

Written by Sanskruti Bannerjee (she/her) | @san._.banerjee | Contributing Writer

Ah, yes, love. Arguably the main purpose underpinning human existence. “The best thing to hold onto in life, is each other”, as Audrey Hepburn once said. But I think there really is more to love than what the naked eye can see.

Think of this like a mind ramble or cascades of cluttered thoughts, about the concept or notion of love. Now, don’t get me wrong - I am very much a hopeless romantic, but I think what society often forgets in its romanticised ideals of “love” is the word hopeless. 

But…is love really all that hopeless? 

This is a culmination of my lived experiences, observations, musings and philosophies about where I think love actually lies. 

Mythologies of romance and the media 

Growing up a hopeless romantic meant that, for me at least, the romantic part stemmed from a lot of literature, hearing stories in my family, and iconic Shah Rukh Khan films. I mean, men used to go to war and send letters back home, but now we see women struggling to receive the bare minimum. 

Love once thrived in handwritten letters with flowers and shared silences; now it struggles to survive amid read receipts, dating apps and a lack of simplicity. The media has made love almost transactional. 

Popular trends/concepts I’ve seen include: 

“Rose-coloured glasses”, but okay how do you know when they’re on and off? 

“If he wanted to, he would”, but isn’t communication the key towards understanding? 

“Oh, they’re still in the honeymoon phase,” but maybe he just knows how to outwardly express love in a society that still, in parts, encourages toxic masculinity? 

Clichės are comforting…until they become cages. What lies beneath them? 

By creating this “highlight reel” of what love SHOULD look like, we forget it is often found in the little moments, the ones that quietly creep in behind the scenes. Success and passion are admirable, but are you able to weather the storms with someone when the season(s) changes to winter? 

Romantic love, in particular, is severely overrated in the media. Films, books, articles, and more that all raise this notion of romantic love onto a pedestal.

“I’m so sick of people saying love is all a woman is fit for,” is an iconic message from Jo March in Little Women. While times have changed significantly, being ‘single’ is still often frowned upon. I’d argue that there’s so much more beauty that goes unrecognised in platonic relationships - the friends who pick up the broken pieces of a lover, found family or the sister who holds no blood ties to you. 

Cracks between the clichés

So where are the cracks between the clichés? What makes romantic love work? Has love really died in our generation? 

As an avid ‘people-watcher’ and societal observer, unfortunately, even I don’t have all the answers, BUT I can say this: love of any form SHOULD bring you a sense of peace. 

Your friendships reflect the people you spend the most time with. I always say: if you took my five best friends and placed them in a room, that’s a direct reflection of my character and values in one place. 

“You are a mosaic of all the people you’ve ever loved.” Indeed. 

Love in terms of your dreams and career should fulfil you and give you a sense of purpose, whatever that may be. 

And lastly, romantic love isn’t about lowering your expectations to meet someone’s convenience — it’s about raising the bar to honour your worth. 

Love in the quiet margins 

For those who have seen Hugh Grant’s iconic film Love Actually, it’s said, “you know I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find that love actually is all around." 

And you know what? I really wholeheartedly believe it is. 

Love actually isn’t in the chapters -  it’s found in the quieter margins of the books. It’s in the stories of struggle that often go untold. In the homes that are filled with “stop flirting”, not “stop fighting”, and the people who know and realise that to truly love someone, is to see someone. It’s in your morning cup of coffee (or two). It’s in the endless laughter and cackles you share when you ‘spill the tea’ with a friend.It’s in effort and consistency, it’s in the person who picks you up from the airport.It’s in the words you tell yourself, it’s in the weather, your hopes and dreams, in the eyes, and so much more. 

A Hopeful Close

And so romantically-speaking, to you, the reader…I hope when love finds (you) it is not in the grand gestures, but rather the small inbetweens. 

Not in falsified constructs of promise, but in tangible action. 

Not in “you can do better” but in “I will be better.” 

In growth together, rather than growing apart. 

I think my biggest learning is that any form of love is not supposed to stir whirlwinds of chaos in your mind, but rather bring you peace, and that is sacrosanct. I encourage you to find love, not in the loudest pages of your life, but rather in the footnotes that are often almost missed.