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Myspace, Are You There?

For all your irrelevant Madonna gossip needs, by Zoe Holland.

The early 2000s was an incredible time: we’re talking Juicy tracksuits, frosted tips and Britney’s meltdown (which uni makes me consider doing on a daily basis). What is devastating, however, is that I am one of the deprived individuals who missed out on Myspace. When Myspace was in its prime, I was obliviously living it up on ‘Moshi Monsters’ and ‘Poptropica’. So, I decided to see what the hell is happening with Myspace these days in a world dominated by Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

First of all, let me tell you how shocked I was to find that Myspace is actually still live. Looking back, it reminds me of a time with emo Jeffree Star and Kylie Jenner pre lip filler. Was she even alive back then? I don’t know, but, believe it or not, some people still use Myspace. Good on them... I guess? When I set about signing up to Myspace for the purpose of this piece it rather ironically gave me the option to sign up through my Facebook or Twitter - this set off some early alarm bells for me.

Once logged in, things didn’t really improve. The site was like being on a strange version of YouTube - with almost everything being music or video based. Since you can listen to music, I had a look around to see what I could find and was actually pretty impressed because it was all reasonably up to date. In celebration of reliving the early 2000s I treated myself to some of my favourite songs from back then, heading straight for Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong with Me’ because it was a banger and also because it had Lucas from The Hannah Montana Movie in it. On top of a large amount of music, there was also endless entertainment gossip.

After losing myself jamming out to the old Taylor music, I snapped back to reality. I had a snoop around to see which celebs were still on Myspace, but I don’t think anyone who cares about their career would dare re-enter Myspace. When you go to browse for people it gives you options to look through actors, musicians and so on. But I couldn’t find anyone famous, not even kind of famous. Just a whole lot of people with various selfies claiming to be artists. What a scam, aye? I really thought I’d have more to report about Myspace. I mean, I wasn’t really sure what I’d see but my god I thought I would find more than I did. Because I missed out on the Myspace and Bebo era I was expecting some of the hype to have remained, but it’s totally gone. To sum it up, Myspace in 2019 is shit and a bit of a waste of time.

You would never bother with it in our current climate of social media platforms. Not only will I not be jumping over to Myspace anytime soon, I wish it would have just stayed in the early 2000s. It’s like if YouTube, E! News and old Myspace had a baby. I don’t really see the point of Myspace today. I mean, I get it’s nostalgic and all but it’s also pretty pointless (unless you like a frighteningly large amount of Madonna gossip news in which case it’s the place for you).

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