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Quiz: What Conspiracy Theory Are U??


Written & illustrated by Stella Roper (they/she) @stellyvision | Arts & Culture Editor

Answer this quickly before the FBI finds me!

1. What’s UR favourite s3ason?

  1. Winter

  2. Autumn

  3. Summer

  4. Spring

  5. Time and seasons are simply a construct.

2. What nail polish colour sounds the most appealing 2U?

  1. Patriotic Red

  2. Raspberry Pink

  3. Mud.

  4. Astroturf Green

  5. Royal Purple

3. What is UR preferred hobby?

  1. Acting

  2. Archery

  3. Orienteering

  4. Yoga

  5. People-watching

4. How often do U lie to your lov3d ones?

  1. Never…

  2. Rarely, only when it’s necessary 

  3. Sometimes

  4. Often, I like to keep them on their toes

  5. All the time

5. What is UR fav movie genre?

  1. Action

  2. Thriller

  3. Horror

  4. Coming-of-age

  5. Romantic Comedy

6. What is UR preferred form of media consumpti0n?

  1. Podcast

  2. Newspaper

  3. T.V

  4. Online forums

  5. Social Media

7. Wh1ch number are U drawn to most?

  1. 69

  2. 63

  3. 82

  4. 0

  5. 666

8. What is UR preferred weapon of choice?<3

  1. Knife

  2. Rifle

  3. Bare hands :D 

  4. Dart-gun

  5. Wrath of Satan 

9. Wh1ch accessory speaks 2U?

  1. Leather belt with gold accents

  2. Antique watch

  3. Gloves with claws

  4. Tinfoil hat

  5. Face gems

10. What is UR ideal date location?

  1. Movies

  2. Candlelit dinner

  3. Sky diving

  4. Campfire marshmallow-roasting

  5. DJ gig

11. What is UR biggest fe4r?

  1. Not being remembered

  2. Being late when it counts the most

  3. Nets

  4. Never having reached my full potential

  5. Running out of the fun stuff

12. What are U like on soc1al media?

  1. A curated feed

  2. Don’t use social media. The authorities…

  3. Oversharing to the point of needing a reality TV show

  4. Loves to spread misinformation

  5. Shitposting to a cult following

13. Where would U most like 2 go->?

  1. Los Angeles, USA

  2. Oslo, NLD

  3. Tasmania, AUS

  4. Christchurch, NZ (like, why though?)

  5. Berlin, GER

14. What’s the trait U like m0st in a partner?

  1. Charismatic

  2. Good sense of direction - ->

  3. Big appetite

  4. Intellect

  5. Flexibility

15. If U were to d1sp0s3 of a body (hum4n), how would U do it??

  1. Incinerate 

  2. Recycle into compost

  3. Consume >:3

  4. Let it be one with the ocean

  5. Use it for a ritual

666. But seriously, do you think that’s a good idea? 

I’m just curious…

  1. It’s one step in the right direction

  2. If you plan it carefully, you can get away with anything

  3. No idea mate

  4. I’ll ask reddit

  5. Practice makes perfectxD

Outcomes 4 the ~What conspiracy theory are U??~ Quiz:

If U got mostly 1’s…

You are the very real: Moon Landing!

To be honest, you’re a bit basic and outdated. Fake too (and I’m not talking about the landing). You follow trends and like to show the side of yourself you think people want to see. Despite that, you are a drama kid at heart and well… it doesn’t make you any better. Sigh. It sounds like a huge deal, but you need to find who you are. Let yourself be organically you, or start to figure out what that really is, and I’m sure you’ll have a great semester. Do some yoga, learn some affirmations or join some religion. Whatever sticks.

If U got mostly 2’s…

You are the [REDACTED] yet [REDACTED]: JFK assassination!

You like to keep it cool and collected. Preferring vintage and more ‘classic’ styles, you can come off as a bit old-fashioned at times, however, that doesn’t stop people from enjoying your unique charms. Having surveyed the plaza area at O-week from multiple angles, I’m sure a feeling of ease is washing over you as you prepare to start the academic year. You’ve got your eyes set on a target of A’s, and with the level of organisation you undertake, I’m certain you’ll get there! However, this is the perfect time to try new things, so if you feel an itch at the back of your head and wonder whether the sacrifice is worth it, I’d say do a new thing. Balance your life. Take the shot.

If U got mostly 3’s…

You are the loveable killer-koala: Drop Bear!

Is it the ADHD, or an insatiable lust for cannibalism talking? While your schedule is a bit all over the place at the moment, no one can deny that your wild and active spirit is a fire to be envied! Having applied to every club at O-week, you’re sure to be very occupied this semester. With an Indomie noodles tote bag in hand, you scramble across campus at a frenzied pace getting your steps in. To top it off, the weather is hot and sweat-inducing, just how you like it! I would try and provide some wise words but you’re actually insane and I fear for my life. So, feed into the urges! Climb a tree! Feast on humans! (Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for anybody feasting on humans.)

If U got mostly 4’s…

You are, the peculiar and odd: Flat Earth!

While you’re a bit of a weirdo, people still seem to like you. But FYI, spending O-week indoors is showing. For the sake of all that is flat and glorious, please feel the sun, touch grass (or maybe go up a hill?), and go cold turkey on the online stuff. You know, the AUT library does free study workshops, so you can learn to get your research from places outside of Reddit?

If U got mostly 5’s…

You are the cool and illustrious: Illuminati!

Hello! Do I need to remind you the holidays are over and uni has started? A risk taker and party monster to the core, I’d like to hope for the sake of university security you and your posse didn’t grace the plaza during O-week. Trust me, it’s for the best. Finding you having 3 pm drinks at Vesbar is a regular occurrence, and yet somehow, you make it look not totally depressing? I would probably also recommend the library services if you haven’t already soaked your course schedule in Vodka Cruiser. You know what, maybe it’s time to put your charisma to use and start a university club. Get some blood rituals goin’.


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