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The Dick, the Myth, the Legend

Everything you thought you knew about dicks is wrong

For a pretty straight-forward piece of the human body with a very obvious function, there are a hell of a lot of rumors surrounding dicks. These rumors have caused some major confusion and anxiety among men and women alike, so I debunked the five most confusing and topical dick myths out there because life is already stressful enough without having to google things like: “can you break your penis?”

1. But wait, can you break your penis?

Unfortunately yes, it is possible to break your penis. Before you panic, it’s extremely uncommon with a 1 in 175,000 chance of it occurring. Also to be clear, it’s not exactly the same as breaking your arm or leg, largely due to the fact that there is no bone in the human penis. The breaking sound is actually the membrane rupturing and, ugh, okay, enough about the scientific details. Just don’t worry about it. Dicks are mad resilient and an overzealous grip or stray tooth is unlikely to actually cause a fracture. They may cause some minor damage but, luckily, dicks heal well.

2. You know what they say about guys with big feet.

Before you start checking out a guy’s Nikes to determine whether he is generously endowed, it is probably good to know that there is no correlation between shoe size and dick size. Several scientific studies have proved this, and no, that doesn’t include the ones where men measure their own dicks, because they almost always overestimate. Interestingly though, one study found that the closer in length a man’s index finger is to his ring finger, the bigger his dick will be. Might be time to start checking out their hands instead of their feet.

3. Oh my God, it’s tiny.

For whatever reason, men really seem to care about how big they are down there. Fortunately for males suffering from penis inadequacy, it turns out partners couldn’t really care less, with women being particularly unfazed when presented with a well-endowed counterpart. This unperturbed attitude is thanks to the fact that dick size and sexual satisfaction are completely unrelated, so why is everybody stressing?

4. Honey, I shrunk my dick.

You can't shrink your dick, or grow it, by masturbating. Yeah, some people genuinely believe this, but it’s not scientifically possible. Growth could have been stunted in early adolescence via an absence of kale and jogging, but whatever you’ve got now, you’ve got. Roughly 74% of men are show-ers, not growers, meaning some excitement in the pants doesn’t produce a bigger package. Maybe it’s time to accept the size for what it is because enlargement methods rarely live up to expectations and often have major complications.

5. Shit, is my dick wonky?

Dicks aren’t always completely straight. Bring on the banana curve because lord knows Enrique Iglesias has one. A major bend might indicate Peyronie’s disease, but that only affects 9% of men aged 50-60, so chill out and go dance naked in front of the mirror.

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