Queer Loneliness: Finding Hope During Hard Times

OPINION | TUAKIRI / IDENTITY

Written by Tara Jade Bellairs (they/them) | @tara_bellairs_portfolio | Contributing Writer

In Aotearoa New Zealand, February is Pride Month; a month to celebrate being LGBTQIA+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, and Asexual). However, LGBTQIA+ folk may find that Pride Month feels different this year. A feeling of worry. A feeling of loneliness. A feeling that the sense of pride in being LGBTQIA+ is starting to fade. These feelings do not come from nowhere. Our community has always been a targeted community for political gain, hate crimes, and violence. Heteronormativity (normalising heterosexuality/being straight) and cisnormativity (normalising everyone to be cisgender/not transgender or gender diverse) silence our community further, making it harder for our community to socialise and engage with others due to stigmatisation and the worry of unwanted homophobia and transphobia. Though it may feel like being queer burdens our isolation and loneliness, it is important to educate people about our community and uplift ourselves during trying times.

Being Queer in Aotearoa New Zealand

Before the arrival of Europeans in Aotearoa, Māori were open to gender and sexual diversity. LGBTQIA+ Māori to this day are still reclaiming their identity. The term “Takatāpui” is being reclaimed by Māori who are gender diverse and/or diverse in sexuality. Traditionally, this means ‘intimate companion of the same sex.’ In the 19th century, New Zealand started to follow suit with the English Laws Act to criminalise homosexuality between men. It wasn’t until the 11th of  July 1986 that the Homosexual Law Reform Act was legalised. In 2013, the Marriage (Definition of Marriage) Amendment Act was passed for marriage equality. In 2022, the Conversion Practices Prohibition Legislation Act was put in place to prohibit harmful acts of suppressing LGBTQIA+ identities. Late last year, the New Zealand Government introduced restrictions on prescribing puberty blockers for young transgender and gender diverse patients. Puberty blockers are an important medical intervention for transgender and gender diverse individuals in gender affirming care, especially for New Zealand youth. The fear of being queer in New Zealand extends to disruptions and attacks from a religious cult. During Pride Month last year, a religious cult stormed a family-friendly library event hosted by a drag artist and disrupted a pride parade. Despite there being laws to protect LGBTQIA+ people in New Zealand from discrimination and violence, we need stronger protection in place to prevent the rise in hate and violence. 

The International Effects of LGBTQIA+ Discrimination 

The rise of LGBTQIA+ discrimination has been happening internationally. The United States is reversing protections and implementing laws against the trans community. This echoes the protections that the New Zealand Government is invoking. Other forms of discrimination towards the community around the world include restricting rights such as marriage, adopting or hiring LGBTQIA+ people, having limited or no protections against violence, having little prevention for conversion therapy, and banning or restricting drag performances and gender-based expression/rights. There are over 60 countries that have criminalised being LGBTQIA+, with punishments ranging from imprisonment to the death penalty. Even though there are countries that decriminalise the community and have put in place laws such as marriage equality, this does not mean a country or an area is 100% safe for LGBTQIA+ people. The effects of what has been happening in New Zealand and around the world toward the community make it harder for us to be ourselves and further isolate us through fear. 

Taking Back Pride

Whether you are LGBTQIA+ or not, now more than ever is the time to speak up about the community. Being queer is a human right, and for us to achieve equality, feel pride,  prevent queer loneliness and mental health issues, we need to take action. One of the biggest things we can do is vote. New Zealand elections are this year, and voting for candidates who support the LGBTQIA+ community will help protect our rights. If you can’t vote in New Zealand, you can still encourage others to vote, advocate, and sign petitions to protect the community. Advocating for the community can include educating friends and whānau, calling out homophobia and transphobia, joining protests, donating, promoting, or volunteering for charities and causes. Representation is another way to reclaim pride and to vouch for more queer voices to be heard every day. LGBTQIA+ representation helps make the community seen and heard, it educates people about our identities, and works towards anti-discrimination and loneliness. To drive representation, you can support and promote businesses, work to create LGBTQIA+-friendly work environments, and provide people with opportunities. As a person of the LGBTQIA+ community, uplifting our community is one of the most powerful ways to reclaim our pride. 

Finding Community During Loneliness 

AUT offers Rainbow Support for LGBTQIA+ students. They have rainbow safe spaces on each campus, rainbow community events, and links to resources on the AUT website and social media. The Auckland Pride and Heart of the City websites and social media pages have events across Auckland this February for Pride Month. You can find Pride events and gatherings on the Rainbow Networking Group Facebook page and on the Rainbow AUT Instagram. As someone who identifies as a non-binary lesbian, I personally follow Aotearoa NZ Lesbians Social Group on Facebook, Sapphic Sounds on Instagram, and The Charlotte Museum email subscriptions. Sometimes it is a matter of making the most of our identities and interests, and asking through word of mouth, notice boards, or online to find new connections. 

Finding Hope During Hard Times

It may be hard to feel positive as a queer person when our rights are being taken away, and hate feels like it is thriving. But one thing our community is known for is being resilient. If the feelings of being lonely, afraid, or depressed about being queer ever overwhelm you, it is important to reach out. Talking to whanau, friends, other students, lecturers, or support groups can help with those feelings. Outline, RainbowYOUTH, Youthline, The Lowdown, Lifeline, and AUT student health and wellbeing resources can help start the conversation around queer mental health. More than anything, the most important thing to do is not give up who you are as a person and not give up on hope through hard times.