Youâre not âstraight-actingâ, youâre just gay.
By Joel Armstrong (he/they)
âStraight-actingâ is a phrase you see all the time on dating apps like Grindr and Scruff. But what the hell does it mean? If youâre gay, youâre gay, right? Hereâs why I think it's dumb.
âStraight-actingâ means that you, as a gay man, present yourself as more âmasculineâ. Walking down the street, no one would bat an eye. You donât talk a certain way, you arenât overly expressive with hand gestures or body language and youâre not obsessed with Taylor Swift. Which is fine! But, why do you think itâs better to act like a bloke? Youâre as bad as homophobes when they see an âeffeminateâ gay man and say âBe normal, act like the
rest of usâ. I hate to break it to you, but youâre just as gay as James Charles and Frankie Grande.
Using the term âstraight-actingâ also places straight men in a strange box of masculinity. It assumes that all straight men are masc - which is a very black and white way of looking at gender and sexuality. Masculinity can manifest itself in many different ways. I have straight friends who dress against conventional gender norms. Does that mean that they arenât âstraight-actingâ? Theyâre definitely more âstraight-actingâ than anyone on Grindr because, you know, theyâre actually straight.
Even if we were to say that âstraight-actingâ embodies stereotypical masculinity, what niche of masculinity are we talking about? Tradies who sink a box every Friday night? Guys who spend all their time making Legos - and show their girlfriends after a big day on site? Car guys? Gym bros? Guys with decent graphic cards? Gymnasts? Cyclists? Ballroom dancers? Like Iâve said before, masculinity manifests itself differently in different people.
Masculinity within the gay community is also very different. It can be more traditional than how straight men perceive it, almost hyper-masculine. We're talking big, burly and hairy blokes with thick beards. They're tatted up, wear leather and love rugby. This is an aesthetic many straight men are shying away from these days. So, is it really 'straight-acting'?
I know Iâve stereotyped everyone and everything in this ramble of an article, but thatâs the point. Calling yourself âstraight-actingâ is stupid, because itâs just identifying with a bunch of stereotypes associated with straight men, rather than gay men. We shouldnât pine to be something weâre not. We should feel comfortable and happy with how we choose to identify within masculinity. If you want to identify yourself as a âmasculine guyâ then go all out, but stop calling yourself âstraight-actingâ because youâre not. If you were, you wouldnât be on these apps in the first place.
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